I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
