We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
