dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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