Me too!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I need moral support for this bender
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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