we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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