Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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