I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
