You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Blood and glitter go together right?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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