How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You ruined the universe
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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