Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
