That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
