It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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