so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
