i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
