There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
