i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
