i just sent this text using only my big toe
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
