then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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