I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
