apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
