Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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