guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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