Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
