I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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