So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
