Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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