The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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