Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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