Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
