i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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