Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
