so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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