That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
