I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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