I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
