I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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