When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
