at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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