planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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