how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
