is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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