I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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