so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
