What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
