i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
