I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
