I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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