LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
