i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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