I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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